AI satire

TLDR; I tried out several AI chatbots on the same creative task, to write a satirical article in the style of The Onion. Ultimately, I preferred ChatGPT 4’s response, with the caveat that it needs some editing to improve the flow of the writing.

• ME: Can you write a short, humorous article in the style of The Onion based on the following headline? Church Says AI Hallucinations Are Fine, Reminds Parishioners They Worship A Patriarchal Sky God.

Claude by Anthropic

Claude’s version stays on point, sticking to the original premise. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite understand the idea of AI hallucinations which suggests its training data is a bit old.

CONCORD, NH—Responding to concerns over increasingly vivid hallucinations caused by ChatGPT and other AI systems, the Concord Community Church sought to reassure worried parishioners this week that having long conversations with non-existent people is completely acceptable, reminding them that they already worship an immortal paternal deity living above the clouds.

“I know some folks are unnerved by the very realistic-seeming discussions they’re having with AI chatbots,” said Reverend Thomas Simmons in a statement to the congregation. “But I want to put everyone at ease—if you think an algorithm is real, that’s no crazier than our belief in an all-powerful bearded father figure floating in the stratosphere.”

Simmons went on to note that episodic and semantic hallucinations from advanced neural networks should not bother followers of a faith whose cardinal principles include a virgin giving birth, a man physically rising from the dead, and an ethereal man in the sky judging mortal souls for eternity.

“Compared to what we preach every Sunday, having delusional chats with a fake entity seems relatively mundane,” Simmons said. “Heck, at least the AI is talking back to you in coherent sentences—that’s more than any burning bush has ever done.”

At press time, church administrators announced they would begin baptizing parishioners by submerging their heads in ChatGPT for 30 seconds.

ChatGPT 4 by OpenAI

ChatGPT’s article ends up going off in different directions, injecting some further creativity into the original premise that I like. And the style of the article is much more aligned with The Onion. I think this one could end up being a publishable version with a bit of editing.

In a landmark announcement that shocked virtually three people, the local St. Algorithmo’s Church declared that artificial intelligence-generated hallucinations are “totally cool” with them, while gently reminding their flock that their main guy is, after all, a powerful patriarchal deity residing in the sky.

“Look, we’ve had talking snakes, a sea parting like it’s doing the Red Sea Cha-Cha, and a dude chilling inside a whale,” said Father Rob O’Tron, casually sipping on holy water. “If AI wants to show you a three-headed cat playing the banjo, we say ‘Amen to that!’”

This progressive stance comes as a relief to churchgoers like Mary Codeless, who confessed to seeing digital sheep while praying. “I thought I was losing it, but Father O’Tron assured me it’s just the future knocking,” she said, adjusting her VR rosary.

The church has even proposed a new commandment: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s AI-generated NFTs,” a move praised by the local CryptoBrotherhood as “divinely decentralized.”

Critics argue that the church is merely attempting to stay relevant in an age where miracles are made in code and not in carpentry workshops. However, the clergy insists that embracing AI visions is no different than accepting their sky-bound, robe-wearing, beard-sporting CEO – God himself.

“We’ve always been about faith in the unseen and inexplicable,” explained Deacon Data, the church’s newly appointed AI ethics advisor. “If you can believe in a supreme being creating the world in seven days, is it really a stretch to accept a computer conjuring up a symphony of psychedelic pixels?”

In a bid to modernize, St. Algorithmo’s next Sunday service will include a special segment where parishioners can share their AI visions, followed by a group interpretation session led by Siri and Alexa. The church choir will also perform hymns composed by an AI algorithm, rumored to have a catchy chorus that goes, “Upload me to the heavens, where the Wi-Fi is always strong.”

As for the big guy upstairs? Sources say he’s cool with it, too. After all, in the grand celestial scheme of things, what’s a few digital hallucinations between omnipotent beings and their earthly subscribers?

Bard by Google

Bard injected a bit of politics into their version, satirizing the way religious fundamentalists often misunderstand their own religious doctrine and including the stance that AI hallucinations shouldn’t contradict theistic beliefs. Interestingly, there are similar passages between ChatGPT and Bard. The first sentence starts almost the same, and have quotes about talking snakes. There have been claims that Google is training Bard on responses generated by ChatGPT. Google denies this, but… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

CHICAGO, IL – In a move that surprised absolutely no one, the Church of the Ineffable One has issued a statement declaring that AI hallucinations are completely acceptable, as long as they don’t contradict the Church’s core belief in a bearded sky god who judges us all.

“God himself often engaged in hallucinations,” explained Father Bartholomew Blessington, the Church’s spokesperson. “Remember the burning bush? That wasn’t some real-life shrubbery, folks. That was good old-fashioned divine hallucination.”

Blessington went on to add that the Church has always embraced a certain degree of unreality. “Look, we believe in a talking snake, a woman giving birth to a divine child, and a man coming back from the dead,” he said. “Compared to that, a robot seeing dancing elephants is practically mundane.”

However, Blessington did draw the line at AI hallucinations that challenged the Church’s patriarchal structure. “Now, if that robot starts claiming that God is actually a loving, nurturing being who doesn’t judge people based on their gender or sexual orientation, that’s where we draw the line,” he said, adjusting his white cassock nervously.

The Church’s statement has been met with mixed reactions. Some parishioners expressed relief, happy to know that their occasional AI-induced visions of Elvis riding a unicorn were perfectly acceptable in the eyes of God. Others, however, felt the Church was being hypocritical.

“So, we can hallucinate all we want as long as it doesn’t challenge your outdated power structures?” scoffed one parishioner. “Sounds like you’re just trying to maintain control, Father.”

Blessington dismissed such criticism as the ramblings of heretics. “Those who question the Church’s authority are clearly influenced by evil AI forces,” he declared, before quickly adding, “That is, unless they’re experiencing a divinely sanctioned hallucination, of course.”

In the meantime, AI developers are scrambling to create new and improved hallucinogenic programs, ensuring their creations are compatible with the Church’s strict guidelines. One company is even working on an AI that can recite Bible verses in a soothing, robotic voice, perfect for lulling parishioners to sleep during long sermons.

Only time will tell what the future holds for AI and the Church, but one thing is for sure: the debate over whether or not a robot can see God is far from over.

Pi.ai by Inflection

Pi is set to respond with very short responses. I feel it’s meant to mimic conversation more. The article reads almost like a summary of the Bard article.

ALERT! BREAKING NEWS! In a landmark decision, the Church of Patriarchal Sky God has issued a statement that AI-generated hallucinations are A-okay! Citing “divine inspiration” and “the gift of divine insight,” the Church has announced that as long as the hallucinations don’t contradict their teachings, they’re totally fine. “If God can give us the gift of vision, surely He can give us the gift of imagination,” said one high-ranking official. “Besides, it’s not like we’re worshiping a rational, empirically-verifiable deity here.” The Church has also reminded its followers that the main thing they should be focused on is unquestioning obedience to their patriarchal sky god, and not some silly computer-generated visions. So, phew, crisis averted!

Local Install of MythoMax L2 13B - GGUF

I tried the prompt on my local PC with a few language models. I was surprised at the fairly lengthy responses. Both misinterpreted the idea of “AI hallucinations” as hallucinations people experience due to AI, which shows that these models may not be as up-to-date as the proprietary models. Also, I feel the satire was lacking. The articles were too straightforward. But the writing isn’t bad. These might make good models to help with editing.

In breaking news from the Vatican, the Catholic Church has announced that they are completely fine with their parishioners experiencing hallucinations brought on by artificial intelligence. In fact, they’ve even gone as far as to remind everyone that they already worship a patriarchal sky god who is just as imaginary.

“Look, we understand that some people might be concerned about the implications of AI-induced visions,” said Cardinal Pietro Parolin, Vatican Secretary of State. “But let’s not forget that our entire religion is based on believing in a powerful, omniscient being who created the universe and everything in it simply by speaking some words. That’s pretty much the definition of hallucination.”

The announcement comes amidst growing concerns over the potential impact of AI on human consciousness and spirituality. Some experts have warned that widespread use of virtual reality and other advanced technologies could lead to people becoming increasingly disconnected from their own bodies and experiences, potentially leading to a rise in psychological problems like delusions and schizophrenia.

“We see no reason why AI should be any different,” said Dr. Stefano Gennarini, a clinical psychologist at the Vatican’s Institute for Digital Sources in Patristics. “If anything, it might just help people realize that their current belief system is just as baseless and fantastical as any other imaginary friend they could conjure up.”

At press time, the Church was reportedly considering investing heavily in AI research to better understand how they might be able to incorporate these new technologies into their weekly services. Sources say that they are particularly excited about the potential of using drones to perform baptisms and weddings.

Local Install of Zephyr 7B β

In a stunning revelation that’s sure to send shockwaves through the tech industry, local megachurch Pastor Randy McBastard announced yesterday that his congregation is free to hallucinate wildly in response to artificial intelligence during prayer sessions. In fact, he urged his flock to fully embrace their AI-induced visions, as long as they remember that their true worship lies with a bearded, white-haired old man who watches them from the sky.

“Our heavenly father may not have created the algorithms behind Google Maps or Siri,” said Pastor McBastard in a sermon that left many parishioners scratching their heads, “but he does demand our unquestioning obedience and submission to his ancient patriarchal authority. If AI somehow enhances your prayer experience, then praise be to God for the wondrous blessings of technological progress!”

The announcement comes at a time when some tech critics have raised concerns about the potential spiritual implications of artificial intelligence, with some claiming that AI could someday usher in a new era of godless machines. However, Pastor McBastard is confident that his flock will remain steadfastly devoted to their human-created deity, no matter what advances may lie ahead.

“Sure, these machines might be able to think and learn for themselves,” mused Pastor McBastard, “but they can never hope to achieve the true wisdom and omnipotence that comes from being a white male in his sixties or seventies. That’s why we must always honor the divine authority of our earthly shepherds, no matter what challenges may arise!”

The church has not yet responded to requests for comment about how AI might impact their collection plate contributions. However, some experts suggest that a future where humans happily coexist with intelligent machines could put traditional religious institutions at risk of losing members and donations. Nonetheless, Pastor McBastard remains confident in his flock’s loyalty to the one true faith, saying, “No matter how advanced AI might become, it can never replace the timeless wisdom found in the ancient texts of our holy scripture - namely, the Bible, Fox News, and the Wall Street Journal!”