Intensity

Writing can be a painful experience. Even before I start to sort out my thoughts, I can start to feel anxious about what I’m writing.

One thing I’ve heard and often observed myself is that anxiety and excitement are actually two sides of the same coin. The feelings are the same but the interpretation is different. And it makes sense, because when I’m anxious or excited it’s usually because I’m leaving a secure place and moving into a place of uncertainty.

However, in that moment of extreme anxiety, I’m not going to convince myself that I’m actually feeling excitement. It’s too late. I’m already overwhelmed.

So here’s a model of what’s going on.

Sensations ➡ Negative Interpretations ➡ Catastrophizing

Notice how the intensity of emotions are being ramped up.

Writing Anxiety

In this case of writing anxiety, the sensations are usually just feelings of normal mental exertion as I try to collect my thoughts and figure out how to express them. I may feel a bit of doubt. Is this true? Am I expressing my thoughts well? The sensations are actually very mild.

From there I start to interpret these feelings as the onset of anxiety which will actually start to feel like pain to me. I will start to look for evidence that I’m not any good at this writing thing. I will start to find reasons to do something else, anything else. I will look for an escape.

If I continue to sit at the writing desk I may start thinking about future catastrophic events. And here, the catastrophic events are things that seem like they should motivate me. I’m not going to finish writing. I won’t write anything good. I’ll die filled with regrets. These thoughts should motivate me to keep writing and get better at my craft, but at this point the prediction of failure has whipped my emotions up into a typhoon of self-doubt and loathing.

Reducing Inensity

So, during a state of anxiety, I likely can’t turn the anxiety into excitement. Once a negative interpretation exists, it’s hard for a positive interpretation to unseat it.

Instead, I have to turn my attention back to the original sensation with interest and curiosity. But I need to do it with a low level of intensity. I don’t want to focus like a lion stalking prey. More like a bunny rabbit approaching a lettuce leaf.

If I sit with the sensations, I can start to observe that my brain is a little stressed from trying to articulate the ideas I want to write about. At these lower levels of intensity I can start to retrain my brain that these sensations might not be something to fear, and with enough practice I can realize they’re signs that something exciting is about to happen.

Sensations ➡ Positive Interpretations ➡ Creative Joy