Programming

I have been waiting for a few weeks for my heating engineer to come and fix a small drip under our boiler. It’s nothing major but he has failed to arrive several times, despite the promises. I have probably been to lax and laid back about it, not chasing him much. He said it will only take him 5 minutes to fix so I am not too worried about when he turns up.

I know this is how I am, a little too laid back about these things. I let things go, don’t complain when could or like to cause a fuss. I don’t shout, raise my voice or get annoyed - I just let it all wash over me. I would rather sit and wait for an hour for my food to arrive in a restaurant than call the waiter over and ask.

In a way, it is a kind of apathy. I don’t really care either way if things aren’t going according to “the plan”. I also think it is more of a British thing, that we like to queue and not complain too much. Sure, there are outliers, but generally British people are quite placid and accepting.

The problem is that when it matters, I can’t step up, speak up or complain. I don’t feel able to, that I have toed the subtle line too often to break out from my programming. Maybe it is a by-product of having chilled parents, or my depression preventing me from feeling things I should be able to.