Quitting porn

andrewtsao  •  2 Jul 2022   •  

As of today, I am 43 days “sober” from pornography.
It’s something that I told my partner as well as my close friends, but have never decided to write about it until now, simply because I am incredibly grateful for all the positive benefits I’ve gained since quitting pornography.

Like most men, I would consider myself a “casual” user of pornography. Starting from around the time when I was in 5th or 6th grade I have been consuming and would masturbate to pornography. At first, it started out as a curiosity. Growing up in Taiwan, the attitude toward sex and sexuality in most households is mostly conservative, so initially, it was just me exploring and understanding my sexuality. What did surprise me was how that habit stuck, and in fact was more normalized the more conversations I’ve had with other men about it. On top of that, I’ve even justified it with the positive benefits it could bring to me. Arguments like “stress-release”, or the common strategy of masturbating before a party or social situation so you would be less clouded by your sexual desires, were all-powerful defense mechanisms that allowed me to see masturbation + pornography as a healthy “tool” that I could utilize.

This month, I had a sudden awareness of the guilt I feel after watching pornography I decided to use an intentional and ceremonious psychedelic trip to try to see if I can unbundle this behavior. I won’t go into detail about the thoughts that transpired, but I came out of it able, to be honest with myself for the first time in my life which was that pornography had become an addiction. Whether I realized it or not, it had negatively impacted my relationship with my partner, and my mental health, and even though I would never consider myself as having toxic masculinity, pornography also influenced the way I see the world and especially toward women. The more I dig, like in reading the Easy Peasy Method, I understood how subtle the addiction is and yet explained how pervasive the side effects are. I stopped the day after my trip ended.

Today, I can proudly say that quitting pornography has bought me so much joy in my life. In understanding how porn can cause our brains to be flushed with dopamine while giving us a feeling of entitlement over orgasms, I have understood and been able to sit with the discomfort of hyper-sexualized triggers that existed all around me. As a result, I have a deeper intimate and sexual connection with my partner, I no longer worry about the guilt I get from masturbation, and most importantly, I no longer feel enslaved to the power and alluring imageries that pornographic content provides.

It’s crazy that I would say that I quit porn in 2022, but I’m here for it, and I’m so proud this overall spiritual journey has pushed me on growth trajectories I would never have imagined.

Onward!

Comments

Good for you. I’m glad that you are willing to be vulnerable and honest about your experience. Porn is a scourge, especially on the young now that it is so widely available. I can only wonder what it is doing to future generations.

Robot avatar images lovingly delivered by Robohash.org.
therealbrandonwilson  •  2 Jul 2022, 11:43 pm