Aliveness

“You can’t optimize your way into aliveness.”

That hit me like a truck when I read it.

It’s easy to grind, keep going, stay focused, hustle, show up everyday, do the work, be the person who’s consistent, let it compound, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat…

But all along I know what really keeps me going, keeps me in the game.

The sense of aliveness.

You know, the first “Hello, World!” you ever printed?
You know, that thrill of launching your first every product nervously on Twitter?
You know, the fateful morning on day when you woke up to your first ever Stripe notification?

Or it could be seeing sunrise after a night of cycling through the city with your friends, at sixteen.
Or it could the peak flow of climbing up a sheer rock cliff, sweating and afraid, but finishing anyway.
Or it could be coming out from hours of meditation in a Zen temple, and seeing the entire world calm and quiet, covered in overnight snow.

Yeah those things.

Feeling alive used to come more frequently and easily.
But these days, I couldn’t even access it even if I begged, borrow or steal.

All this while, I’m just a thrill seeker.