Being a good dad

This reel struck a chord:

Parenting is hard. Being a good dad is tough. Not enough men admit that truth, to themselves and each other.

In the video, the dad was asked “You alright?”, and he just replies “I’m fine.” while in his mind, a thousand thoughts run through his head, like “I’m exhausted”, “Am I a good Dad?”, “Bill are due” etc.

I think I do this too. My version of those inner thoughts:

“Do we have enough?”
“We don’t have enough.”
“Am I being a present father?”
“Am I over-working?”
“If I work too little, will there be enough?”
“Am I doing enough for my wife?”
“How can I take better care of my elderly parents?”
“I should work harder for the family.”
“I’m exhausted.”
“I’m so sleep deprived.”
“It’s a real struggle every day.”
“I should just go back to a job maybe”
“I should work harder for my dreams”
“I should take my parents out more…”
“I should play more with my kid”
“I’m losing my patience a lot more recently…”
“I feel bad I can’t provide more to my family.”
“I’m angry. With myself.”
“I shouldn’t feel like this”
“I can’t talk about any of this.”

Sadly, most men aren’t comfortable talking about their challenges as a dad to others, not even to other men. Me too. But writing about it here, without the face-to-face element, makes it easier.

And I’m not sure the solution to men’s mental health is necessarily about making them be more open to and talking about it. Yeah it will probably help, but not everyone’s ready. And I don’t just mean men/dads, but also the people around men/dads.

Till then, writing provide solace.