Digging too deep

Wake. Snooze. Wake. Piss. Brush teeth. Wash face. Sip water. Meditate. Stretch. Make coffee. Fill tumbler. Drink salt water. Magnesium. Start computer. Work 1h. Toilet run. Wake the wife and kid. Pack breakfast. Prepare son. Leave house. Say by to wife. Send son to school. Brisk walk. Pull-ups. Squats. Leg lifts. Push-ups. Stretch. Get home. Cook eggs. Stretch more. Eat butter. Eat eggs. Eat vitamins. Work 2h. Send lunch to son. Walk to coffee shop for lunch. Eat rice with meat and veg. Drink coffee number 2. Stop by supermarket. Get home. Clean up house. Coffee nap. Shower. Work 3h. Fetch son. Work for 4h. Dinner with wife and son. Wash up. Read or play with son. Shower. Bedtime routine. Work 1h. Scroll phone a bit. Sleep.

Repeat every single week day.

24h a day.
5 days a week.
52 weeks a year.
For 6 years.

I had lived like that, with very little variation, for years.

Initially it was a superpower.
But now… not so sure.

There’s a numbness, a dim fog, that’s hard to shake off.
So numb that I am here, but not here.
What started as a productivity bunker to hunker down in, is starting to feel like a prison.
That’s the danger when you dig deep and dig so far down… you might end up burying yourself.

Time to find a way to climb out, back out to the light.

Upwards