I am not an angry person
jasonleow • 27 Jun 2025 •
I always thought I had anger issues. People close to me would tell me that. I would have outbursts of temper, often at myself or at other people, events, things, but seldom directly at them.
Over time, a lie you tell often about yourself becomes truth.
But it’s a lie. Or so I realized recently.
If I was truly an angry person, I would be angry all the time. But I’m not. Only after some buildup. Infrequently.
I’ve come to see anger as a human capacity that’s there to do something, help me with something. In this case, it’s to protect, to act, to assert my boundaries even to myself, for myself.
Because I say yes all too often, to my own detriment. Anger is my inner wisdom, saying no on my behalf… finally. When I say yes too many times in a row to the point where I feel burned out, tired, or taken advantage of, anger arises as a guardian to protect.
So at the root, I’m not an angry person. I’m a people-pleasing person.
Anger is just the consequence, the surface effect.
Saying yes too often is the root cause.
I am not an angry person.
Imam Ali has a saying: Beware the evil of a patient person when he is angered.
He’s talking about the build-up that leads to a patient person lashing out. The Arabic word (haleem) isn’t fully captured by “patient”. The English translation is patient or meek, but it’s not about being weak. It’s a person who’s easy-going and forgiving. But when they’re taken advantage of they might turn aggressive, beyond simply setting a boundary.