Letting others down
jasonleow • 11 Oct 2024 •
I just told a client that I will not be able to do the two remaining training gigs I previously signed up for, and the response a few hours later was “Oh no worries. We found a replacement already.”
Time and again, I overestimate how much I need to be there for people. Most of my worries of letting people down, being an inconvenience, being disliked for causing hassle, were greatly exaggerated.
Your life will not magically exceed your standards. Improve your boundaries and life improves too. – James Clear
That deep desire to not let others down is a big one for me. It drives a lot of the motivation and energy to do things well, to 110%. The end results are good, but the source is of a negative—or even, toxic—origin.
No wonder I often feel relief, and seldom a sense of accomplishment, even when I did good for a client, boss or even family! When it’s to avoid something, you feel relieved. When it’s to get something, you feel joy.
I’ve been this way since young. Not to naval gaze too much into why I’m like that… but this is definitely something I need to work on.
Someone wise once told me that even if I do something to 70-80%, it’s still better than the 100% of other people. I think he was trying to assure me to give myself some slack.
I should.
Comments
YESSS. Well said, Haider! I think that’s how it was like for me growing up too, in my culture. Time to let go…
Many of us are raised with people-pleasing tendencies. Usually we were manipulated with guilt and shame for not doing what was expected of us and those “rules of the game” continue to manipulate us in adulthood. I find it useful to recognize how valuable setting boundaries is for myself and for others. When I set a positive example of setting boundaries, I encourage others to do the same. When I let go of my own people-pleasing tendencies, I encourage others to do the same.