Owning my burnout

Part of recovering from anything is owning up to the unhealthy habits I have that led to said thing. That ultimately, when it comes to my burnout, I’m responsible for contributing to it more than external circumstances.

All the ways I’m both the perpetrator and victim:

• I don’t say no enough. Especially when it’s my family. All these years, I still struggle to reject people, even strangers, never for loved ones. I think at the base, my compassion doesn’t include myself, that’s why I burn out doing things for others.
• Even when I do say no, I didn’t think ahead for myself, what I would prefer for myself. When I don’t have a preference, the world will make choices for me.
• I’m too hard on myself when it comes to delivering on work. 110% every day is not sustainable. My employers and customers don’t expect that either. My work ethic is killing me silently.
• When I get overwhelmed, I get bitter and resentful, I shut down, stop communicating, which in turn makes it worse. Nobody like’s being around a sour plum, and if I don’t know how to communicate my needs, nobody will.
• Asking for help. This seems to be hard for husbands and fathers to do. Maybe I’m the traditional sort. But I should ask for help more. Even on the small things, so that I can take care of the big things.

Frankly it feels good to write this down.

The monster you know is the monster you own.