Self-discipline vs self-forgiveness

I can’t stop thinking about this question that James Clear asked in his latest newsletter:

What is your relationship with self-discipline?
What is your relationship with self-forgiveness?

That pairing of questions is so perfect. Self-discipline and self-forgiveness, like yin and yang, like fire and ice.

Self-discipline is what people often think they need when it comes to building a wholesome habit streak, say daily writing. Self-forgiveness is the other half of the equation people don’t know about. You need some self-discipline to get started on a streak. But you also need self-forgiveness if you happen to break it. Breaking the streak doesn’t make the habit any less wholesome, but it does feel sucky for a while, because that’s how streaks work (as a disincentive). Self-forgiveness is the balm that soothes that suckiness, so that you’ll bounce back and keep going all over again.

Self-discipline is putting in your best effort every day; self-forgiveness is forgiving yourself if you tried but wasn’t good enough to win.

Self-discipline is being hard on yourself today. Self-forgiveness is being soft on yourself yesterday.

Self-discipline is the father. Self-forgiveness is the mother.

Too much self-discipline and you get too uptight or stressed out. Too much self-forgiveness and you get too lazy or ineffective.

Reflecting on myself: I’m weighted more in self-discipline. I could do with more self-forgiveness. My relationship to self-discipline vs self-forgiveness isn’t balanced. And it’s time to balance that out. As much as I practice self-discipline seriously, I got to also practice self-forgiveness as seriously.

That way, like the twin wings of a bird, I can truly soar.