Sleep is social

I’d been sleeping in a separate room, away from my crying toddler the past few nights. The difference is dramatic. I feel more restored and rested in the body. Inflammation seems to be receding.

Funny how I assumed was a hard conversation about sleeping in a separate room actually turned out to be pretty easy. I’m super grateful for an understanding wife and partner who sees the importance of sleep for me, and is willing to manage the night cries on her own.

But not everyone gets it.

The surprising thing I learned during the past year of sleep biohacking, is how much of sleep is social. Social expectations are often the hardest barriers to better sleep habits. The common challenge people in my 5am chat group and the folks I meet on Twitter face about waking early is sleeping early. The most common reason for being unable to sleep early isn’t their own habits or revenge bedtime procrastination, but the evening/night habits and preferences of others.

It could be that your family eats dinner late.

Or your kids are late sleepers.
Or a boss who texts you about work at night.
Or your partner wants to hang out late to watch TV.
Or your spouse works the late shift as say, a medical professional.
Or you got close friends who like to drink into the wee hours of the night.

We’re essentially trading off sleep for social rewards.

The social expectations of others whose sleep habits and nighttime routines overlap with yours were a factor I had never expected. And it doesn’t even have to be people whom you share the house with.

And negotiating the social contract—or trying to change someone else’s sleep habits—is ten times harder than trying to change your own habits (which are hard enough in and of themselves).

Is it any wonder why most sleep goals fail?

Finding ways to have productive conversations about sleep habits, to address the social aspects of sleep, will be a gamechanger.

Sleep is social.