Strength

Remind yourself what you’ve been through and what you’ve had the strength to endure. – Marcus Aurelius

Okay then, Marcus. Here goes, reminding myself what I was strong enough to endure for the past five years:

• Saw how the world went to shit during pandemic
• Survived lock-downs and not being able to go out
• Protected my family through it all, feeding, watching out for them
• Last man standing even while covid hit everyone at home
• Saw my industry dry up to nothing, had no gigs
• Slept poorly, hardly slept for 1-2 years due to first-born
• Worked through horrible sleep deprivation even while working
• Went on strict restrictive diets like keto, ketovore, carnivore to stay healthy, lose weight
• See health went to shit with chronic ailments, had to fight hard to get little health back
• Eat into all of my 100k savings through the pandemic years
• Restarting my bank account from zero all over again
• Too many moments in the past few years where we were in serious financial trouble
• Restarting my career from ground zero all over again, at mid-forties
• Working 4 jobs now, 12h days, every day
• Continue to launch failed indie products, struggle to get liftoff for indie hacking
• Exhausted every day

I could go on, but I think that’s enough now.

I survived all that.
But I’m not proud.
I’m not even relieved.

It still feels real.
Some are still ongoing.

I’ll celebrate when it’s truly over.