Travelled out

How to know you’ve changed so much the old you is gone:

When I prefer staying at home than to travel.

That’s how low I’ve gone.

I prefer to stay home now. Traveling used to be fun, but it’s too exhausting for me right now. Having to keep working while travelling, while 24/7 taking care of the family, watching out, worrying, planning, providing, giving, caring. Waking early at 4-5am to clock in for work, just so I can go sight-seeing during the day. Feeling sleep deprived all day, hardly ever present, unsure I’m having fun, but trying to show presence and involvement. Not being able to even take your eyes off anyone for even a second, lest they do something unsafe. Then heading back to hotel and working at night after everyone sleeps. Bedtime was my only solace after those long days.

It’s too much.
I’m exhausted.

I’d rather not travel now.
At least I have my sanity at home.
My calm.
Some sense of aliveness.

Travel just feels like hard work now.

It’s all too much.