Turning 5
jasonleow • 5 Mar 2025 •
My firstborn turns 5. That means I turn 5 too, as a dad.
Some thoughts:
-
It’s pure joy. Never a day goes by without me feeling that it’s a joy to have a child. Passing him his lunch at school is often the only highlight of my otherwise exhausting day working four jobs. Yes, the tantrum moments gets trying, but it’s so fleeting. Only the joy remains.
-
It’s pure motivation. I’ve never hunkered down this much in my life before. Not even in my past personal crises. Knowing I have to provide, knowing that no one else is coming to save me, knowing that I want to provide for him no matter what, powers me to do anything. Anything.
-
It’s pure hope. The world is turning to shite. AGI will take over all jobs. The singularity might come sooner than we know. Politicians are corrupt. Governments falter. The climate is worsening. War or pandemic is always around the corner. Everyone is buried deep in their own troubles. Nobody really looks out for one another anymore. What’s the point of having kids? It’s a prayer. It’s embodied hope. It’s an act of radical optimism.
Back then I was never the kind of guy who looked forward to be a parent. Just didn’t have those instincts.
But man am I so wrong about it now…
Onwards.
Comments
Haha! I never thought about celebrating a Dadversary. I just hope I don’t end up hogging my twins’ bday with my own celebration of Dadhood. 🤣
And yes, you’d think the struggles of parenthood are a deterrent to having kids, but it’s part of the package and it’s enjoyable when you engage positively with it. I’ve not talked about this publicly before and my family don’t know this, but my younger daughter helped me not go through with suicidal thoughts when I was experiencing a dark period in my life.
oh time for second one …
@therealbrandonwilson Thank you!
@haideralmosawi Oh man, so relieved to hear that. Have you ever told others (your family) about it? I hear ya… kids have this beautiful, intense way of giving meaning and purpose
@knight Hahah we’ll see
@jasonleow really, unless you really plan for just 1, if 2 don’t let their age gap too big.
I only shared this with a close friend. My family don’t know and I didn’t want to sound morbid to my (now) 13yo.
I experience parenthood vicariously through you. Thank you for sharing your experience honestly. Happy 5th Dadversary!