70h weeks

I’ve been working 14h days, 70h weeks Mondays to Fridays, for slightly over a year now. Definitely feeling the burn. As much as I found a rhythm and pace that helps me stay consistent—even cruise a little—14h is still a lot of time clocked working, calories used, minutes staring at a screen, energy spent.

It takes life force.

And that life force cannot be created from nothing, it must come from somewhere. And that wellspring is running low. Dry, even. What started as a short-term survival tactic does not work as a long-term sustainable strategy.

How long can I keep going?

The scary answer is… indefinitely. On the surface. Because I can just perform what needs to be done. This is high functioning burnout.

I’m so spent, I don’t even feel anything anymore. Even my deep fatigue.

Perhaps that’s why I’m craving for a hard reset in my environment. But if the working hours remain, how much can an environmental change help?

I don’t know but I know it’s at least a start.

All I know for sure is… that consistent routine that helps me keep pace? It’s a solution that is also the problem. It’s keeping me imprisoned in a productivity vortex of my own making. Repeating that consistency won’t help in the bigger picture, in the long term, even while it keeps me going hour by hour, day by day.

Something has to change.

Something.

Anything.